Jesus died for somebody's sins but not mine

I had written the line some years before as a declaration of existence, as a vow to take responsibility for my own actions. Christ was a man worthy to rebel against, for he was rebellion itself.

Patti Smith - Just Kids

КАЖИ МИ НЕБО

Кажи ми: Небо.Мое небо.

Кажи ми: Небо на тишината.

И јас, мало стебло во темната шума на крвта,

јас ќе се откорнам со сета вековна немоќ,

и извишен високо, високо, високо,

високо ко топла човечка зеница,

ќе станам небо, твое небо.

Ќе станам небо на една Деница.

Но, не кажувај ми дека сум слаб,

но не кажувај ми дека сум немоќен

и да им погледнам в очи на тревките,

но не кажувај ми дека од сите треви

во мене шумат само најкревките.

Скриј ја и премолчи денес вистината

за едно мое поденешно утре.

Кажи ми: Небо. Мое небо

Кажи ми: Небо на тишината.

Ацо Шопов

[image via Geof Kern]

Sometimes, you read something and you are overwhelmed by emotions for no particular reason... And I love those days... They remind me that I am not a clockwork machine, but a soul...

How cool ...

I write like
Kurt Vonnegut

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

Song of Childhood by Peter Handke

When the child was a child
It walked with its arms swinging,
wanted the brook to be a river,
the river to be a torrent,
and this puddle to be the sea.

When the child was a child,
it didn’t know that it was a child,
everything was soulful,
and all souls were one.

When the child was a child,
it had no opinion about anything,
had no habits,
it often sat cross-legged,
took off running,
had a cowlick in its hair,
and made no faces when photographed.

When the child was a child,
It was the time for these questions:
Why am I me, and why not you?
Why am I here, and why not there?
When did time begin, and where does space end?
Is life under the sun not just a dream?
Is what I see and hear and smell
not just an illusion of a world before the world?
Given the facts of evil and people.
does evil really exist?
How can it be that I, who I am,
didn’t exist before I came to be,
and that, someday, I, who I am,
will no longer be who I am?

When the child was a child,
It choked on spinach, on peas, on rice pudding,
and on steamed cauliflower,
and eats all of those now, and not just because it has to.

When the child was a child,
it awoke once in a strange bed,
and now does so again and again.
Many people, then, seemed beautiful,
and now only a few do, by sheer luck.

It had visualized a clear image of Paradise,
and now can at most guess,
could not conceive of nothingness,
and shudders today at the thought.

When the child was a child,
It played with enthusiasm,
and, now, has just as much excitement as then,
but only when it concerns its work.

When the child was a child,
It was enough for it to eat an apple, … bread,
And so it is even now.

When the child was a child,
Berries filled its hand as only berries do,
and do even now,
Fresh walnuts made its tongue raw,
and do even now,
it had, on every mountaintop,
the longing for a higher mountain yet,
and in every city,
the longing for an even greater city,
and that is still so,
It reached for cherries in topmost branches of trees
with an elation it still has today,
has a shyness in front of strangers,
and has that even now.
It awaited the first snow,
And waits that way even now.

When the child was a child,
It threw a stick like a lance against a tree,
And it quivers there still today

I keep re-reading the poem and in each verse I can see a new meaning... Today was a day off and for the first time in a long,long time I had no TO-DO-LIST for the day and could be a child all day long... I wrote letters, read poetry, blew bubbles from the balcony, stared at the sun for hours, sang-a-long to a song from the radio and was just, plain and genuinely happy...

The bet is on

My last post talks about my shopping frenzy problem...

In order to become a better person, I decided to challenge myself. And here's my master plan...

I made a bet with one of my best friends-Marija. I agreed not to buy any piece of clothing until New Years, or she can take away my new jeans, skirt, whatever...

Do you think I can last?

I made the bet 20 days ago, starting from the beginning of November and made it all the way through...For now :)

So far it's great-I can appreciate more the stuff I own already and as it turns out I have plenty of clothes in my closet. Also I used very very basic crafts skills to repair or refresh some of the stuff I own already, but were not in their best shape, like a great pair of electric blue earings, which by the help of some nail polish became navy blue and look like almost new earings. Plus vintage is in :)))

And I am helping the planet... And my bank account is actually managing to put something away in savings. But not a lot, cause I spend most of it on partying and hanging out in the city.

But there are weak moments... That I go by with a little help of my loved ones... I got an early bday present from a best friend cause I fell in love with these cool heart shaped silver earings. Or grandma knitted me a warm grey sweater. And cause they are the only new things in my closet, I love them and wear them all the time :)))

On my way back from work, I still walk around the mall and go window shopping. Just for the fun of it. And I get tempted... But I always remember my promise and know that if I buy something and lie about it, my personal integrity and freedom are forever lost.

In the end it all comes down to being more than just a consumer :)

Having more is not being more

My current mantra is "Having more is not being more"

This sentence gets me thinking a lot. It reminds me the shopaholic and obsessive spender and consumer that this society has installed in me. And I try to fight it, but I always fail.

Everything in our daily lives revolves around spending-socializing with friends, going out, staying in, every single little thing. If I dare to challenge myself to those extreme "Spend-nothing-days/weeks" I will no doubt fail.

But this sentence, it revokes something very important for me-spiritual growth. It reminds me that sometimes spiritual growth is slowed down by obsessive spending on new and shiny objects which keep us distracted only for short time. Its like drugs, the short-term buzz of the new object we own and taken by our own vanity, it takes us high up in the air.

Being more takes hard work, it doesn't have a short term buzz, rather hours and days of devoted work on a cause and not succumbing to disillusionment.

That's why I have this mantra and repeat it every day...my very own little "prayer".

Geography by Music-playlist

Учам и сум на работ да полудам... Веројатно коа би имала прилика да имам радио емисија, би си избрала термин во петок/сабота/недела од 24-02 АМ за да учам и бирам некое музиче што ќе ми ќефне-пример ако надвор врне, ја сум сигурно депресивна и не би сакала да ги депримирам и останатите со мојот музички избор.

Моментално надвор врне, ама ја сум кофеински предозирана за да ми влијае на расположение. Поентата ми е дека последниве денови се осеќам како Скопје да е премало за моите стапалки... како да ми фалат нови фаци, нови случувања, нов дух во старото тело. Во име на сите големи градови, каде наскоро ќе зачекорат моите стапалки, ви ја претставувам оваа плеј листа:

1. Амстердам

Идејата започна од оваа песна. Европоцентризмот не знам дали се должи на неодминиливото културно наследство или само чиста коинциденција.
Peter Bjorn and John имаат нешто склопено на оваа тема.

2. Лондон
The Clash и нивната вонвременска London Calling, моќна, со став и мислење. Сеуште не сум била тука, но еден ден- Лондон бејби, here I come.

3. Њујорк
LCD Soundsystem еднаш испеаја New York I love you, but you're bringing me down. Па и ја би можела во моментов да кажам исто за Скопје - Skopje I love you,but you're bringing me down.

4. Рим
Phoenix-Rome, у последно време се повеќе и повеќе ми се допаѓаат :)

5. Парис
Friendly Fires-Paris. Градот на светлината за мене беше прљав и напорен, ни грам романтика. Најсмирено се осеќав на Монмартр, во тишината на светото срце. Но, нема ништо свето во песнава.

6. Стокхолм
Yo la tengo-Stockholm syndrome. Едно ново откритие за мене, мислам музичко. Стокхолм останува за подобри времиња дестинација.



7. Истанбул
Baba Zula-The Sound of Istanbul. Фатих Акин е веќе докажан режисер, но овој филм повторно го обединува со неговата земја и одлично ја одсликува шизофренијата на Истанбул, уствари коа ќе размислам на цела Турција.



8. Барселона
За овој град не можеше да ми текне подобра музичка подлога од таа која се наоѓа на Vicky Cristina Barcelona на Woody Alen. Филмот може и не е најдоброто од режисерот, но нема некој кој не посакал да се качи на авион за Барселона после овој филм.




9. Чикаго
Sufjan Stevens- Chicago. Никогаш не ме заинтересирал посебно да го посетам, но песнава ми се допадна и морав да го вклучам во листата.



10. Берлин
Lou Reed-Berlin. Ветената земја, последна. Иако музички фаворит кој најдобро ми одговара е Kreuzberg на Bloc Party, за да се избегне повторување, свртев малце на ретро.



11. Скопје
Leb i Sol-Skopje. Почесно, последно место, затоа што сепак од овие градови, Скопје има најдобра песна од сите :)